“We are Venom!” - Venom
I could write a book about movies that should have gotten a sequel. I could make a follow-up about all the movies that got one and didn’t deserve it. Dredd. Deserved a sequel. True Lies. Needed a sequel. District 9. We’re waiting, Neill! Jaws. The first is classic, the rest, hot garbage. Taken. The first is action packed and sets off Liam Neeson’s new chapter as an action icon. The sequels? Yikes. Which brings me to Venom. A movie that shouldn’t have been made in the first place. But then it gets sequels?! For shame! The first Venom - Typical Sony owned Marvel character getting screwed. Let There Be Carnage - Kill me now.
And now… Venom: The Last Dance.
Full disclosure, I have a critic friend that attended the same screening and he didn’t hate this particular third entry. And he, like myself, does not like the previous two. So I may be in the minority on this one. Time will tell.
I fear my disdain for the first two films may have seeped into the third and while that may not be fair, it is what it is. I wanted to be surprised. Who would have ever guessed the third entry in the Puss in Boots franchise would be its best entry by far? Sometimes it takes a while for a property to take off and then it does. And then there’s franchises like Venom, where it’s a dead horse being bludgeoned beyond recognition. For three goddamn movies no less.
I say this as a big fan of Tom Hardy. I love his gruff demeanor. He’s an anti-hero kind of leading man and when it comes to gritty stories, few do it better. But in the world of Venom, he’s a walking, talking clown shoe. He’s a puppet repeating the same, tired old pratfall or half-completed joke someone forgot to finish. It’s mildly amusing at times but for three movies the bit has run its course. For instance, from the first movie carrying over into The Last Dance, Venom curses, he’s fond of the word shit, and that’s hilarious. Right? Hehe, haha…
Although in the shaky hands of Sony (shaky at best), it’s still supposedly a Marvel movie so what is a Marvel movie without action? In the case of Venom 3 it’s as forgettable as its storyline. If the story and action were a nice suit it would certainly match and I suppose that’s something. The action sequences feel phoned in. Nothing about them stands out whatsoever. The action feels out of necessity rather than natural progression. It’s as if a timer was used and they had to have something blow up every fifteen minutes at most.
A scene takes place on the outside of a passenger airliner over thirty thousand feet in the air. Venom clings onto the outside as Eddie screams in terror. Venom makes fun of him and then an enemy alien attacks them. After throwing the alien into an engine, Venom and Eddie just kind of leave… the plane… mid-flight. Never mind the four hundred passengers you just left to fend for themselves after you thoroughly damaged their plane. I’m sure they’ll be fine.
It goes through the motions of a typical Marvel movie, made by Sony. After Madame Web, this is remarkably better but if that’s the bar to rise above, Kraven is going to blow. And it’s not going to blow kisses and whisper sweet nothings either. It is as insignificant as any other Sony released Marvel movie. It never rises above mediocrity and after three movies, you would think they might try, just try.
Another issue I have is with the pacing. It meanders for two thirds of the movie and suddenly you’re in the third and final act wondering if it is the end and then of course the credits begin to roll. It’s exceptionally mundane and utterly forgettable. Although mercifully short, the rushed pace of the film ruins what is supposed to be (please) their final adventure together. It’s over before it ever feels like it begins.
And just like the first specifically, the villains are as bland and one dimensional as the cardboard cutouts they’re mirroring. In Venom, he faces off against a megalomaniac thirsting for power. How intimidating. At least in the second the bad guy is a serial killer gifted the power of Venom. A formidable villain for the protagonists is a step in the right direction although not enough to fix everything else about the second installment. And now it’s The Avengers syndrome all over again. There is a threat of a truly harrowing, universe ending kind of villain (Thanos) but first they must send the minions (Chitauri) so they can stretch this out for future movies.
I think most egregious of all, Venom: The Last Dance is just plain forgettable. The story is rushed and the relationship between Eddie and Venom is given less than five minutes of genuine, non-gimmick, non-schtick sincerity before it all (supposedly) comes to an ignominious end. The action is paint-by-numbers and is often lost in a collage of computer generated, indiscernible schlock. Its attempts at adding drama through tragic backstory is half-assed and misplaced. In a movie of pointless plot elements, this is its most forced concept. The human characters are typical comic book movie archetypes just going through the motions that you would expect of them.
I wish I could say I cared about any of it but I can’t. But I think worse than that I wish I could say the movie itself wanted me to care. It’s entirely too insignificant across the board for me to even attempt to give a damn. If you liked the others, I don’t understand you, but to each their own, you might find something of merit here. I just wanted it to end. I still just want it to end and it’s been over for several hours now. If there is a center to the middle of the road, that is the home of Venom: The Last Dance. If meh was given a biopic…
Rated PG-13 For: intense sequences of violence and action, bloody images and strong language
Runtime: 109 minutes
After Credits Scene: Yes. It’s nothing important but yes.
Genre: Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi, Comedy
Starring: Tom Hardy, Juno Temple, Stephen Graham, Chiwetel Ejiofor
Directed By: Kelly Marcel
Out of 10
Story: 5/ Acting: 6/ Directing: 6/ Visuals: 5.5
OVERALL: 5/10
Buy to Own: No.
Check out the trailer below:
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