“I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and being really good all the time. That would be hypocrisy.” - Oscar Wilde
I enjoy cinema. So it stands to reason that I’m not actively searching for the worst movies to ruin my day with. I want to enjoy what I’m watching. Sometimes, admittedly, I will at least try to find the positives in an otherwise lackluster effort. But other times there is simply no redemption to be found. I give to you, M. Night Shyamalan’s Trap.
As someone who has long defended this man’s less-than-positive reception for some of his movies, I take no pleasure in ripping this movie apart. But I feel I have no choice in the matter. He started it by making the damn thing in the first place.
I could feel the familiar Shyamalan self-sabotage, that he inexplicably injects into his movies, very early on. And by early I mean ten minutes in I started bracing myself for the wave of cringe that was about to wash over me like sewer water. And I’ll tell you something, I nearly drowned in it. I have long said that he should create the stories and task someone else with the dialogue. He can give them the story arcs, how he wants to reach each moment and then allow someone who’s actually heard real humans speak to handle the discourse.
He creates these absurd exchanges between his characters that are so odd, unnatural and downright cartoonish. I kept mumbling to myself throughout the movie, “What?! People don’t speak like this!” Sometimes he avoids this tendency well enough that it doesn’t derail the movie. Knock at the Cabin I believe is genuinely competent and while not the most rewatchable, it manages to mostly stay on course and deliver something at least mildly thrilling. But then there’s instances like The Happening and now Trap. It’s like a demon he has to stave off and sometimes it absolutely gets the better of him. This demon for some reason likes hokey, forced dialogue that makes you want to gnash your teeth out of sheer embarrassment.
And this brings me to the greatest mystery of all and no I’m not talking about any twist at the end of the movie. I’m talking about his uncanny ability to take actors, people who have repeatedly demonstrated their abilities as competent actors, and by simply forcing these insane lines out of their mouths, he cuts them down to two-dimensional cardboard cutouts that are viscerally unbearable to listen to or watch. Josh Hartnett is a proven talent but as this supposed serial killer he is borderline unwatchable. He is never, at any moment, intimidating. I was waiting for him to let out a “Hyuck!” like Goofy he was so gangly, walking with a kind of lankiness. He’s a cartoon trying to be passed off as this scary mastermind of ill intent. I couldn’t take him seriously.
The entire premise is that he is a highly intelligent sociopath who has evaded arrest for as long as he has because of his cunning and prowess. This trap he’s been thrown into is their last ditch effort that if you asked them about, they would say is inescapable. Every step of their efforts to capture this man within the stadium where a concert is being held to ultimately stop him once and for all, is completely undermined by their own doing. It’s infuriating to watch them constantly behave like the worst A.I. bad guys you would see in a dated video game. He does the equivalent of putting on a fake mustache to disguise himself and they notice nothing odd about it.
He’s constantly built up to be this highly efficient, extremely smart predator not to be underestimated. The only thing underestimated is how alarmingly awful, how poorly thought out their plan is. They constantly give out vital information at the most opportune moments that conveniently allow him to slip through and by and underneath at his whim. He slithers around almost completely without interference. The most perplexing story element is the FBI profiler who is on scene to help find him. She’s in her eighties at least and for unknown reasons constantly talks into the walkie talkie about their plan. She talks over the line about everything she knows of him and what to look for. By simply avoiding those expectations he’s able to maneuver at his leisure. He’s not smart, he’s surrounded by characters whose entire reason for being there seems to be to give their target exposition and information that will inevitably allow him to escape.
At one point the profiler explains to his loved ones that there was no way they could have known about his other life. She tells his wife that people like him are extremely capable of concealing their true selves for a false personality which would feel authentic and undetectable. Addressing what I said earlier, this bit of information is not only laughable, it’s just wrong. He doesn’t behave naturally at all. He’s silly. He talks in a way that two people might talk to one another who don’t like each other but have to remain civil for the people around them. There’s a layer of obvious disdain and flippant tone in the way he interacts with people. He is false in his disguise in just about every way you can fathom. He sticks out and the entire time the movie is trying to convince you otherwise.
Trap is one epic failure that spends its entire runtime portraying an idiot as smart by surrounding him with even dumber people. He’s the smartest in the room but only because the people looking for him couldn’t light a flame if they were doused in gasoline and holding a match. This entire endeavor is incompetence across the board. The storytelling is horrendous, the dialogue even worse. The characters are weirdly knowledgeable about everything he just so happens to need to know and are willingly sharing this information like it’s a conversation over coffee. The acting makes you physically wince like it’s somehow going to hurt just being in the room. There is no pay off here. The only real trap is the one they set for anyone dumb enough to give this movie a chance. As a fan of Shyamalan, skip this for the sake of the children. I don’t know what children I speak of but they’re out there and they don’t want you to waste your time or money. Think of the children.
P.S. This is only what I could remember. I promise you it’s worse than what I’ve written here. There’s more.
P.P.S. Almost the entire country was denied early screenings for review purposes. Make of that what you will.
Rated PG-13 For: some violent content and brief strong language
Runtime: 105 minutes
After Credits Scene: Mid-credits.
Genre: Crime, Mystery, Horror
Starring: Josh Hartnett, Ariel Donughue, Hayley Mills, Saleka Shyamalan
Directed By: M. Night Shyamalan
Out of 10
Story: 3/ Acting: 2/ Directing: 4/ Visuals: 4
OVERALL: 3.5/10
Buy to Own: NO!
Check out the trailer below:
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